Blame

       Usually when I get home from work, I spend some time with the wife, and then finish out the night gaming. My buddy Milan works until I do so we get home about the same time and end up late night gaming a lot together. I am new to Xbox so he has a few games he plays without me. The most prominent one on that list is a game called World of Tanks. Milan has had me look up people that he has played against a lot of time, because they get into a argument and he has me verify their stats. The other night he logged on and started telling me about a game he had played. I don't fully know the mechanics, but i will try and explain what happened. He was at the end of a match and it turned into a 3v1, meaning that it was him against 3 other people. He ended up playing really well and taking out 2 of them before biting the bullet. The game ended and everyone went on their merry way. Things should have ended here but for those of you who don't game, people tend to rage when taking a butt whoopin like that. He played a couple of the voice messages this guy left for him. If I had to guess, I'd say the guy talking was in his thirties, and spouting out as many cuss words as possible while trying to all out trash Milan. This was all pretty standard until I heard him blame Milan for him dying. For some reason this really stuck in my head and it hit home with me. I kept thinking about that statement the rest of the night and then I remembered it was exactly what I had seen on facebook earlier that day. I don't really like to get on Facebook but for the most part, it is a lot of people looking for attention. I can't really say anything because I try and promote things like my blog and stream on there, but with the recent weather it seems like a lot of people have taken to social media to get their anger out.

   From time to time we all blame other people. I blame my wife a lot, jokingly, just to make her laugh. Sometimes it is easier to point the finger away, rather than at oneself. Gaming is a testament to blaming other people for ones failure. I rarely play a competitive game without hearing some form of bashing or blaming. I know that not being able to see the person you are screaming at makes a lot of people have a bigger ego, but it still sucks.  I don't know what it is, but sometimes it is easier to blame someone else. Not taking responsibility can temporarily prevent something bad, but it really starts to stack up against you. Start taking responsibility for what happens. Too many times do i see girls on Facebook talk about how they don't care what people think, they are going to date whoever they want. Maybe two or three months down the road there will be a post about how they hate whoever they have been dating. So many people like to complain about things they brought on themselves. If you have problems in your life, then fix them. Don't rely on other peoples sympathy and pity to get you through things. I work at a restaurant and when we have problems, a lot of people will want to go on a witch hunt against whoever messed up but I usually try to remedy the situation, then address the problem to the person later. Making somebody feel bad for messing up doesn't help anyone.
  
   When I was little they used to say that pointing at someone, left three fingers pointing back at yourself. It is funny how some of those sayings you learned when you were little really carry over well to grown up stuff. In closing, I just want anyone that reads this to spend less time blaming, and more time figuring out what the problem is. Your life will have a lot less turmoil.

Crayons

    One of my fondest memories in kindergarten was crayons. This was mainly due to the fact that when you ate them, they changed your poop different colors. This allowed me to extend my coloring sessions to my journeys at home as well as at school. Most of my day was made up of coloring, coloring, napping, and then usually some more coloring. The bad part was when this lead into the next couple of school years. when the work load was increasing, and coloring needed to take a hit, I just kept coloring. I remember in third grade I had a meeting with my parents to discuss the fact that I was doing more coloring than school work. Long story short, I told them I would, but I didn't. Add a couple more years and I slowly started replacing coloring with drawing and sketching. Coloring took a backseat to drawing at this point. Coloring pencils and markers were thrown into the mix and crayons became a thing of the past. It wasn't until later in life, that I truly discovered a beautiful message in those tiny wax pooped color changing sticks.

   At this point your probably wondering why I am rambling so much, but it just started flowing when I started typing. I started thinking about how different things are now versus then. We still don't have hover-boards, and even though we are making cool strides in technology, there is one thing that has gotten a bit out of control: Hate. I went to a private christian school, and my parents were divorced so they made me see a guidance counselor. I never really thought much of it, until a friend of mine, who's mother was a teacher at the school, got some bad news. His mom and dad had decided to get a divorce, and because of that she was removed as a teacher from the school. This one of the first moments I was really confused about how people were judged. I guess in a way, I related to it because I had been through divorce. I have always been a christian, but been very hesitant on putting labels on how I live. I love God, and live for him. I feel that when you start looking at how many instruments are in your church band, your doing it wrong. Doing the right things in life is simple. The only reason it ever really gets hard is because we don't want to, and start making excuses. I have always been accepting. I get that stuff happens in life, and people are made differently. I think it's asinine to think any other way. Maybe Hate was always this bad, I just didn't realize it, but it seems to be getting worse.

   I think back to coloring. I think back to worrying about nothing other than coloring within the lines, or else alligator would eat me. I think back about bad things that have happened to me, people I love, and how it has changed my life. But regardless of what happens, what people say, and what people decide to do, I can't understand hatred. It makes me think about a box of fresh crayons. You have all these beautiful colors. You can mix as many colors as you want, and make even cooler colors. There are big crayons, small crayons, wide crayons, and even thin crayons. We all have our favorite colors, and we all have that color that we never use, but even then we didn't waste our breath complaining about WHY we didn't use it and WHY we didn't like it. They are all made the same, and special in their own ways. Crayons can break or crumble, but they can be resharpened. They only live to try and enhance something else before their gone. Once you lose that first crayon, the box never really sits right. They all slide over and fall down, and you lose that complete feeling. Crayons are a lot like the people of this world. They come in different, shapes, colors, and sizes, but they are all unique in their own way.

   We are all made to be different, and more power to you if you embrace that. If you don't like someone or don't agree with how they live their life, then hey that's cool. You are entitled to your opinion, but it's how you use that opinion that matters. With all that is going on in the world right now, everyone is buffed up on american pride, freedom of speech, and all things MURICA, but I think we lose a lot of heart in shooting off at the mouth about something different. A lot of those impulse things we say are said out of speaking before thinking. Spend more time trying to better the world, and less time trying to stoke the fire. If Liam Neeson says there are too many guns in the world, then you know what that means? It means that Liam Neeson said there are too many guns in the world. If I try and take your guns away, you'll complain about keeping them. If i shot to death, you will be protesting against guns. Break the cycle and just steer the other way. Don't let things snowball. Next time you want to post about feeding the hungry, before you hit post, get off the computer and get out there and feed the hungry. Doing something good, doesn't need glory. The feeling you get in return will outweigh all those Facebook comments and likes you would have gotten anyway.

   Hatred doesn't fear trolls, it feeds off them.

Simplicity

   Sometimes it's the simple things in life that really leave an impact. sometimes a word or simply a look you give someone can convey such emotion. I have played all kinds of games, from 8 bit to 4k resolution games and to this day some of my favorite games are older ones. I recently started playing Minecraft, and was floored with how much i loved it by the time i completed it. On the surface it looks like a bunch of blocks and bad graphics but there is a reason so many people play it. Minecraft is one of the best games I have ever seen that offers a canvas to express your creativity. I have always been a artist but never have I come across a game that gives you so much creative freedom. The way this game played out, was how I really hope RPG maker turned out. In my opinion, if you combined the two games you would have a awesome creation. Back to the point I was making, the older i get the more i realize how simple the beautiful things in life can be. A game like this really put things in perspective to me and allowed me to get a better grasp on everything the game could offer.

   With all the bitching people do about movies, games, or even books, they tend to miss out on a lot because they are too busy running their mouths. I know it seems kind of hypocritical, coming from someone who is blabbering on about stuff, but bare with me. Take time to look at the small things in life. You will find a lot more in the things that make up your day. If you find something you don't like, get over it, and enjoy the work people put into what they do. Imagine how you would feel if you spent a year building something and the first person that saw it said it was ugly. I work at a restaurant and I hear a lot of people try to belittle my employees. Take a breath and enjoy all the world has to offer. Whether it's Gaming, Reading, or Underwater Basket weaving, smile at the little things.

I wish more people played games

    

   I play a lot of video games, but that doesn't mean I do it all the time. I am also a big nerd, so I watch a lot of TV shows and movies with my wife and friends. Every once in a while its nice to watch a movie that you really don't have to pay a lot of attention to get the full entertainment value. I watched The Interview recently and I laughed pretty much the entire time. There wasn't a hard to follow story, or a lot of twists and turns, but it was a lot of bang for my buck. Ont he other end of the spectrum, sometimes we get involved in these great elegant stories that have so much writing that it makes us feel like we are part of the world we are watching. For those of you who don't game, this is what we experience with a lot of games as well.

   The amount of writing and time that goes into most games is really astounding sometimes. I have a couple games that I want my wife to play through with me, but I know she's going to get bored since they are single player. It isn't that I'm wanting her to be as into games as I am, but its more the fact that i know if people took the time to invest in games, they would be a bit more of a fan. There aren't many, but some love stories in video games rival that of some really popular romantic films. I mean, Mario and Luigi is a better love story than Twilight. All jokes aside though, there is a lot more to games than just mashing buttons and yelling slurs about the other player's mother.  Imagine if instead of Mark Wahlberg buddies all getting shot in Lone Survivor, you could 360 noscope that goatherder and save the day! Well not exactly, but that's kinda how games are. Game let you be a part of the story, and instead of watching you get to act.

  Next time your bored waiting for Avengers 2 to come out and haven't got your preorder of 51 Shades of Grey: It just got a lot Greyyer, pick up a controller and join the phenomenon! Have fun, and aim for the head!

I refuse to gain to the world, but lose my soul

 
 I was driving home on my way from work tonight and I heard a song come on that I have never heard before. In this song, there was a lyric that really stuck to me: I refuse to gain the world, but lose my soul. I couldn't help but think about this lyric for the rest of my ride home. So many times through my life have I seen people i know and care for, sacrifice who they are for things like personal or financial gain. I will be the first to admit, there is a lot of appealing things about living a fancy life. I am a gamer, and it is a expensive hobby, but being able to afford it easily would be a perk. When we start to lose respect for how we gain something, we start to lose interest in what it is we gained. I have had good and bad days at work, but I can vouch for the fact that it feels good to earn something. We live in a society that puts emphasis on haste and lack of patient. I work at a restaurant, and from time to time eat at them as well. After working in the business for a while you start to realize that in essence, we thrive off laziness. I'm not calling you lazy for eating fast food. Sometimes it is convenient and honestly sometimes cheaper than cooking. I am just using the point as a booster towards the point i am trying to get across. Everyone looks for the get skinny quick scheme, or the get rich quick scheme and very few people find joy in actually working for something anymore. I think in part, it is a generation difference, but the feeling is everywhere.

   I ran into my cousin the other day and I have been reflecting a lot on our conversation. I hadn't seen her in at least a year and and it was very good to catch up. This girl is a sister to me, so I immediately picked right back up where we left off. First let me start off by saying that after I got married, family holidays quickly turned hectic as we scrambled to visit everyone and keep everyone happy. I can honestly say that to this day, it still is a struggle every year. Now that I established that fact, I will get back to the story. I started asking her about my cousins and other family members that I haven't seen lately. We always were a big close family growing up but after time, we went our different ways, and traveled down different paths. Once you start your own family, things change quite a bit. Regardless of standing, it still is very nice to see your family as much as possible. I don't get to see all my family as much as I want, some due to schedule conflicts, and some due to me being lazy and not acting. Once she gave me the run down on what everyone was doing i noticed a drop in her tone, like she was a little down. I noticed that as she talked about how great and wonderful everyone was doing, it started to make her sad that she wasn't at the same point in her life. I knew I couldn't sway her from how she felt, but I said that all that really mattered in life, was whats inside your heart. My father always said that when you die, none of your worldly possessions will go with you, and as I got older, this quote really started to grow on me.

   It is funny to hear people watch tv shows about these rich families who have major issues every other episode. I haven't ever really been into watching them because I feel that money doesn't bring happiness like a lot of people seem to think. At least once a week I get asked if I would do a random act for a random amount of money and my answer is always the same. You don't need money to be happy. You need to believe in yourself to be happy. You need to believe in what you are doing to happy. You need to Believe to be happy. If you spend your life looking for the next thing you can chase to make you happy, you will never find it. I have heard friends move around looking for their home, when in reality, their home is inside themselves. You do not need a location, or a possession to be happy. I used to say all the time that seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing, and too this day it still holds true. No matter where you are in life, you have be ok with that. I play video games a lot and it mirrors the problem in the real world. If I am playing a game where the goal is to level to 100. I can spend 99 levels wishing I was 100, and by the time I hit that level, I will wish that I spent more time enjoying the process. I have never really liked the saying enjoy the ride, but it has its merits.

   All in all this conversation just got me thinking about how people beat themselves up over things not going according to plan. I hope that if you read this and are struggling to find happiness due to these issues, then let my words hit you where it matters. Be happy with who you are and how you are, and quit worrying about where you are. Whether you make 1k a year, 50k a year, or 150k a year, don't ever let it influence who you are. Some people use possessions to hide pain, but eventually it eats away at them. Life is short if you make it, but if you cherish every moment, and live for it, you will enjoy a lot more of those moments. I can tell you with 100% accuracy that hugging someone you love, means a whole lot more than hugging your Porsche. Now hugging someone you love inside a Porsche is just nuts. I hope you find hope in what I have written, and maybe even a laugh or two.

  I am 28 years old, I live in a apartment, my credit score is pretty good, I am married to the most wonderful woman on the world, I work at a restaurant as a assistant manager, I have the most wonderful friends and family a guy could ever ask for, and I thank God for everyone of these things every single day. The world is filled with blessings that I think people fall short of seeing them because they are too caught up in themselves. I hope to spread my words as a writer because I feel I am here to inspire and help people. I may not reach as many as i would like but that will not stop me from trying. Here is to a great year!

Hacking

  

 Hacking is pretty visible in today's gaming world, and it seems that it is really gaining a lot of steam in a lot of the games I play. I am currently playing diablo 3 and there is a lot of different ways you can hack in the game, but the most prominent seems to be hacking weapons. When you do this hack, you end up with characters that look like they are having seizures because they are attacking so fast. I have never done this so i cant really speak from experience, but it does take a lot of the challenge out of the game. The game is meant to have a lot of expanding difficulty and allow for people to climb the ladders and keep challenging themselves. I played this game on console release day and when I hit max level there were already people doing it.
   
    I was researching the hacking yesterday and came across a debate about the subject. I guess what it involves is either manipulating game saves or downloading new game saves and adding them to your console. After a while, the posters got off topic and began talking about is it right or wrong. I say play games for whatever reason you want, but don't bash hacking, and then use hacking. A lot of people will abuse things like hacks and cheats to get a advantage over everyone they play with. It is hard to find a game that doesn't have these items in it, so some multiplayer communities do take a hit. Yes it seems like it can be fun, but it isn't for everyone.

   I think the important thing with hacking and gaming, is that you don't tell anyone how to play anything. In today's society, everyone is more focused on voicing their opinion rather than living said opinion. I know this sounds hypocritical coming from a writer, but there is merit in what I am trying to say here. Don't knock it until you try it. If someone in your party hacks and you don't like it? Leave the party and don't run with them. Talk is cheap

Backup

A lot of the time people let the fear of striking out, keep them from playing the game. I struggle with this a lot. I always have these great ideas, but I feel like I have to have people to pursue it with to be successful. People are different and want different things. You may have common interests but it's hard to expect someone to follow you blindly on something your passionate about. My wife is one of the most supportive people I've ever met, but even she doesn't always want to do the same things as me.  Sometimes I just feel I will be more successful if I have more people believing in what I push for, but in the end all that matters is if I believe. I think sometimes I'm seeking the confidence that others bring but sometimes you just have to go with what your guy is telling you. 

   Confidence can be a double edged sword. You have to know the difference between confidence and arrogance. Just because your good at something doesn't mean you have to gloat. You have to have hunger in your life, and I'm not talking about food. Hunger for your dreams, hunger for your passions, and a all out hunger for happiness. It's nice to have people to fall back on, but evens followers need to be their own leader sometimes. I've had a sponsorship to produce videos for three years now and done nothing with it....yet. That isn't anyone's fault but my own. I didn't have the hunger that I needed. I turned 28 yesterday and did a lot of thinking. 2015 is gonna be hungry hungry year, and I hope whoever reads this follows suit.